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== | ==About== | ||
[[File:jeffsimon.jpeg|left]] | |||
Jeff Simon is a Math teacher at [[Sage Creek]] | '''Jeff "The Simonator" Simon''' is a [[Math]] teacher at [[Sage Creek]] who began teaching in the [[2013-2014]] school year. | ||
He is one of the only remaining staff that has worked at [[Sage Creek]] since the beginning. | |||
He is known for his math jokes and spontaneous disco parties (he has a disco ball in his classroom). | |||
He is also known for the disturbance he causes his neighboring classrooms via his possession of an external subwoofer, through which he plays music while students are working. | |||
== | ==Quotes:== | ||
"I don't do math. I hate math." | |||
"In ninth grade, I had this bully. He was really big, and he packed a gun. ... No, I never beat him. He got kicked out of school. For having the gun." | |||
"I should be an announcer... at SeaWorld. And here comes Corky, our bottlenose porpoise! Come on out, Corky!" | |||
"It is a pentagonal roll of cookie dough." | |||
" | |||
" | "If you reorder the numbers, it spells, like 'pima'." | ||
" | "...in the hallways. Oh wait, we don't have hallways. Frighteningly high walkways." | ||
" | "The gazebo is a highly threatened species of deer in sub-Saharan tropical Africa." | ||
"If | "If someone gives me a donut right now, I'll cancel the test. *thud* This is a Kit-Kat!" | ||
" | "It's -9 minus ginormica, I'm not doing that, it's gonna be negative." | ||
" | "My left hand has failed me." | ||
" | "I was thinking about saying that we're gonna take this quiz tomorrow, but I don't feel like giving CPR today." | ||
"It | "It was like the unrated version of Sesame Street." | ||
" | "...my glorious, flowing, radiant hair." | ||
" | "Um. Um. Iron Man is my homeboy." | ||
" | "Smoking apple sticks is harmful to your health." | ||
"... | "Children, your mission is to go around, find all the bird-feeder-squirrel-barrier... things... in the world... AND DESTROY THEM. Even if some guy comes out with a shotgun, just be like *sound effects*" | ||
" | "...so they had to tie me to a tree. True story." | ||
" | "It's an Egyptian thing. Sun-Ra... phoenix feather. Werp! Werp!" | ||
" | "Whoa, that's cool. I HOLD THE POWER! MWAHAHAHAHA! Back to Avengers again." | ||
". | "You will find out what the sin, cos, and tan buttons do. I know your lives have been empty without them." | ||
" | "We had to do proofs, we had to throw up, we had to do more proofs..." | ||
" | "Don't forget to turn in your permission slips for our field trip next week to a black hole near you." | ||
"You | "If you're Mexican you can write it this way [SAA]. You know, ESE! It's not racist, just edgy." | ||
" | "Today you live." | ||
" | "For the record, chickens do not eat baby rats." | ||
" | "I thought they were being cool. A parkin' space. Yo." | ||
" | "I used to be like you. Then I turned to the dark side. A math teacher with bad jokes." | ||
" | "I had a student with one arm. When everyone was doing their work I would say, 'Does anyone need a hand?'" | ||
" | "There's a black man with a clinometer. I want him in my presentation." | ||
"I | "I don't see you with Sage Creek Bobcats in your hair." | ||
"I | "You are the finest failing geometry students I have ever met." | ||
" | "Don't set alarms on the iPads, because I will find you and I will destroy you." | ||
" | "You're gonna go up, and then you're gonna go down, and then 'BLAAAAH!' and then we're gonna take a picture of you and put it in the time safe thing that we're gonna-- YO SKATER!" | ||
" | "The radius, drawn really ugly-ly." | ||
" | "URF." | ||
" | "This little rocket ship thing, you're all PTHPTHPTHPTH." | ||
" | "Obviously, today is Make your own Pendulum Trippy Thingamabobber Day." | ||
" | "Wot is up mah mateys!" | ||
"This | "This is like an MTV special. Loci: Unplunged. Eh? Eh?" | ||
" | "H is for horizontal, K is for k'vertical." | ||
" | "In this table, everything is bass ackwards." | ||
" | "We're going to McDonald's after this, 'cause I'm lovin' it! Da da da da da!" | ||
" | "...with a big... mouth, if you didn't notice. No, seriously, I can open my mouth really big." | ||
" | "I'm still just a 9th grader, trapped in the body of a bald-headed 40-year-old man." | ||
" | "You guys better have your homework out because I’m coming around like a witch on a broomstick! *witch laugh*" | ||
" | "We don't have time for what I'm about to tell you, but I'm gonna tell you anyways!" | ||
" | "Great... Now my hair is all messed up." | ||
" | "Ugh! I hate 15' great white sharks. Ugh! Punch it in the nose! Or the eyes... or the gills!" | ||
" | "Crisco is fat basically. It's like lard... Use something else if it's not your thing." | ||
" | "I am one man! Bald and powerful!" | ||
" | "Liberty and justice, for all y'all." | ||
" | "No. (That's Spanish for no.)" | ||
" | "And if you flip [the parabola], it looks like Accelerator from Knott's Berry Farm." | ||
" | "Darn! FOILed again!" | ||
" | "Don't do homework from last trimester, because if you do, I'm going to laugh at you and give you a zero... at the same time!" | ||
" | "Beans of coolness right there. Like refrigerated edamame." | ||
" | "If your name is Ryan Nemiroff, you'll have to memorize e to at least the 12th digit." | ||
" | "Mr. Simon: We have 2 Sean Parks in this class. Sean (Middle name) park and Sean.... what's your middle name, other Sean? Other Sean: Uh, it's Korean, I keep it private Mr. Simon: Sean Korean Park." | ||
" | "Jadies and lentil-men!" | ||
" | "Oh, you'll do fine on the final. That's why it's called the FINE-L." | ||
" | "If you ever get confused, just play some mariachi music and you'll be okay." | ||
"[Indian call center accent] Children! It is becoming time to leave the classroom!" | |||
"Don't go to school, kids. Drop out and run. Let's just say it's a lot better to be on this side of that desk." | |||
" | "Any other questions? MOOOOOOO! ...ving on." | ||
" | "Hoy, en Mat-Metropolí... I'm making a Spanish soap opera. Telenovela. About math class in Carlsbad. You're all in it. And you [Kevin Cooke] play a girl." | ||
" | "It's not 'FIVE!!!,' it's 'five factorial.'" | ||
" | "Art art math art art. Art art fart fart cart lart." | ||
" | "Beatin' a dead horse here. But it's dead, so why not? Like, take your aggression out. It can't feel anything, it's dead. Just a big ol' undulating gut." | ||
" | "Are you with me? Because if you're not with me, you're against me. And if you're against me, I have to kill you." | ||
" | "Ooh, shiver me timbers, I have to take a quiz!" | ||
" | "Anyways, I'm not evil. No. Just bald." | ||
" | "Nail salon workers of the world, unite!" | ||
" | "I'm serious. Frickin' serious. You find some of the happiest people in the world in the strangest places." | ||
“You guys want to hear about the hot date I went on?” | |||
[[Category:Staff]][[Category:Teacher]] | |||